Before I proceed with this subject, a brief disclaimer.
I don't profess to have things all figured out. Much of what is to follow here comes with the benefit of hindsight attached to it. The hindsight of many mistakes and flawed thinking. I have no doubt that the life I will lead in the years ahead will be nothing like I imagine it. Now, on with today's list.
1. Timing is everything.
I greatly resent the fact that parenthood is all too often entered into as just another logical step in the progression of one’s life. It looks something like this.
Finish school..... Get a job....... Get married...... Buy a house.... Have kids.
What’s so wrong with that? Well what if the job you get doesn't provide you with enough income to buy the house? Should you do so anyway? Or perhaps the house you can afford would put your family in an unsafe environment.
Maybe your spouse is not prepared to handle the responsibility of raising a child. Should you procreate anyway, simply because you possess a valid marriage license?
Am I over thinking things? Or does not enough thinking routinely go into the process of having children.
Needless to say, when I decided to get a vasectomy, I was consumed by many such thoughts. Does that make me a better person than the next? Certainly not.
I will say that my obsession with these things caused me to ignore items of greater significance in my marriage. This would have undoubtedly grown into greater disaster if we had a child to consider.
2. Grandparents.
Somewhere in my early twenties, I realized my parents weren't complete morons. Having the opportunity to watch them in the parenting process again, was a huge factor in our decision to have Aiden. Now we'll get to see some of the
I don't profess to have things all figured out. Much of what is to follow here comes with the benefit of hindsight attached to it. The hindsight of many mistakes and flawed thinking. I have no doubt that the life I will lead in the years ahead will be nothing like I imagine it. Now, on with today's list.
1. Timing is everything.
I greatly resent the fact that parenthood is all too often entered into as just another logical step in the progression of one’s life. It looks something like this.
Finish school..... Get a job....... Get married...... Buy a house.... Have kids.
What’s so wrong with that? Well what if the job you get doesn't provide you with enough income to buy the house? Should you do so anyway? Or perhaps the house you can afford would put your family in an unsafe environment.
Maybe your spouse is not prepared to handle the responsibility of raising a child. Should you procreate anyway, simply because you possess a valid marriage license?
Am I over thinking things? Or does not enough thinking routinely go into the process of having children.
Needless to say, when I decided to get a vasectomy, I was consumed by many such thoughts. Does that make me a better person than the next? Certainly not.
I will say that my obsession with these things caused me to ignore items of greater significance in my marriage. This would have undoubtedly grown into greater disaster if we had a child to consider.
2. Grandparents.
Somewhere in my early twenties, I realized my parents weren't complete morons. Having the opportunity to watch them in the parenting process again, was a huge factor in our decision to have Aiden. Now we'll get to see some of the
3. Perspective
My life is centered around the belief that there are absolutes.
Rights vs. wrongs. Good vs. evil. I believe in God and heaven, I therefore believe in Hell. These things, these values were instilled in me from moment one. As they were in Kris. I held true to these things for many years. At some point they became somewhat less important to me. Less of a force in our marriage.
It wasn't until we moved out here that we once again embraced the truths we had placed on the back burner for a few years. These truths were to be critical in the raising of our Son. Call it Church, call it God, family, call it friends.... call it whatever you want. Whether you are aware of it or not, you currently have a value system in place that your children are learning from.
Rights vs. wrongs. Good vs. evil. I believe in God and heaven, I therefore believe in Hell. These things, these values were instilled in me from moment one. As they were in Kris. I held true to these things for many years. At some point they became somewhat less important to me. Less of a force in our marriage.
It wasn't until we moved out here that we once again embraced the truths we had placed on the back burner for a few years. These truths were to be critical in the raising of our Son. Call it Church, call it God, family, call it friends.... call it whatever you want. Whether you are aware of it or not, you currently have a value system in place that your children are learning from.
4. Watch and Learn
Waiting until we have been married 10 years to have Aiden has allowed us to watch many people we know become parents. This has provided us with many valuable tools and lessons we can now apply in our own lives. I'm not naive enough to suggest that what has worked for other families will be a good fit for us, having the information at our disposal can't hurt either. A quick thanks to a few people Kris and I have enjoyed watching, and listening to while parenting.
In no given order..........
Tommy and Jeannine
Carl and Andrea
Ryan and Cindy
Phil and Jen
Lori
Ashley
Rob and Mary
Our Parents
Aunt Gray and Uncle Eddie
Perhaps a top ten list of stories and advice gleaned from these people is in order? What do you think?
7 comments:
I'm confused, did you have a Vasectomy and then a reversal or are you about have one?
I feel like I know you on an intimate level now, that feels really weird.
You are such a cute family! I'm sure Aiden was worth the wait!
What an incrediable question!!
It never dawned on me that this could be read in such a manner.
In such a way that leads to this question!
Very cool.
You'll have to figure it out.
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ponderingloudly said...
I'm confused, did you have a Vasectomy and then a reversal or are you about have one?
I feel like I know you on an intimate level now, that feels really weird.
Facinating Captain!
grandma niehaus says i am happy that aiden is in all our lives!!!!
It has been so wonderful to witness this whole story unfolding in your life first hand. Jeannine and I are encouraged by the wisdom you have acquired along the way and I have no doubt Aiden has two of the best parents around! God bless.
i agree with tommy and jeannie. they are great parents. thanks for giving me aiden to care for. love grandma
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