B.F.T.

 I'd like to begin my story by sharing some words from the noted author/hunter/conservationist/poet, Steven Rinella:

......"Nobody goes to an amusement park and several years later says, "Remember that roller coaster ride, that was fun." This is because that brand of fun was easily earned. You stood in a line, then sat down. Real fun must be earned, and often times the highest brand of fun is attained through intense struggle. Those earned experiences are the stories told for lifetimes......"

The Black Forest Trail first made my radar about a year ago. At the time, Kris and I were considering it as a trip for the two of us. The weather and  Providence had other plans and the trip never happened. Fast forward to the present day, and the trail continued to call. In need, perhaps selfishly, of some hardcore distraction, I began the process of preparing to have another go at it. This time, Aiden was on deck for the adventure. The short story on the BFT is rather simple.  It boasts 42 miles of legit back country terrain with the added nuance of 8,000 feet of elevation gains/changes. It is often regarded as the most rugged hiking available in the eastern United States. The internet has no shortage of information on it, so have at it, if you wish. How hard could it really be, right? People do this. YouTube is littered with videos detailing every aspect of all manner of people completing this hike. If they can do it, so can I. Maybe I wanted to test myself.  Maybe I wanted to test the trail and see if the hype was well founded. Either way, I found things I would have missed anywhere else. I witnessed strength, maturity, and wisdom uncommon among humans. None of it having anything to do with me.

Our plan was to complete the trek somewhere between 4-5 days. If it took six, so be it. Planning to be off the grid for any amount of time can be tricky. Add in the notion of being a parent, toting your 12 year old along, and things get considerably more complex......at least for me it did. I value the opportunity to place challenges in front of my kids, but surely there is a line of safety somewhere that shouldn't be crossed, isn't there? Kris reassured me we were not there yet, so off we went. What I'm not here to do is give you a report of what we carried, what we ate for dinner, and where we slept. I'll simply say we each carried just over 30 lbs of gear and hiked for just over 4 days. The finer details of the mile by mile journey belong solely to Aiden and I. 

For the first two days I held my own. As you might expect, I handled the strategic decision making; when to eat, where to sleep, where to and where not to walk. Yadda Yadda. While these may sound like minor details, I assure you, out there, a mistake can lead to dire circumstances very quickly. At some point, probably halfway through, subtle shifts began to take place. Aiden began to be more than my son or even more than my travel companion. He started to assert his opinions and began making sound decisions for the both of us. It truly became a collaborative effort, a partnership. He demonstrated superior map reading and navigation skills. He successfully procured water in difficult circumstances. He displayed an uncanny ability to understand remaining hours of daylight relative to distance(s) needed to be traveled. Around camp, he pulled his own weight sharing in all the chores and tasks that needed to be accomplished night after night. He truly became a force to be reckoned with. One that would not be denied success. 

In the end, I needed Aiden with me more than any map or piece of gear. I say with confidence that I would not have made it without his encouragement and ability to think clearly and communicate properly in a stressed moment.

The BFT belongs to us now. No one else will ever understand our unique experiences out there. Our struggles that created fun can never be erased. Perhaps the real beauty of this place lies not in its rugged reputation, nor in its rattlesnake dens or extreme mountainside descents or bear encounters. Its real majesty was making father and son into friends. Odd.....no YouTube video or trail review site mentioned that part.

The Yellowstone We Wanted

For more than a year and a half we planned. Phone calls, saving money, assembling gear, reading endlessly. We were seeking a set of experiences we could call wholly our own.

To find them, we would cram into a rented car and drive across nine states, into the 2.5 million acres of Yellowstone National Park. Whenever possible, our plan was to avoid the areas typically visited by roughly 5 million people a year. Most of whom see only what is visible from their vehicle.

 I'll tell you what is hidden here...intimidation.
Spend any amount of time in the back country and you quickly learn your meager place. I distinctly remember my first walk away from the roads and towards a body of water to capture an image. The immense silence a place like this brings to your ears is stunning. All around my feet were the signs of apex predators and evidence of consumed prey animals was often easily found.

You can read about bear attacks forever. You can bring along bear spray and be proficient with a firearm. It all goes out the window when you show up to your trail head and find this sign. Even more chilling with the hand written dates of other adventurers decorating it. I am proud to report of my family, that bearly (pun indented) a second thought was given to the task at hand. Into the back country we went! We were rewarded with amazing views, hidden mountain ponds, and not another soul for miles. We hiked this trail smack in the middle of the scribbled dates.

We were privileged to spend a day with MacNeil Lyons of Yellowstone Insight and Emil of Yellowstone Wild
We were educated and ushered into experiences only a few will ever see.

After watching this mother nurse and feed her cubs for over an hour, I said, "how can it get any better than this?!" The wolves answered my question in short order.

                               

The struggle for simple survival was placed on grand display for us. No theater has ever been more elegant. This pack of wolves had been on the move all morning, and apparently all that running makes a wolf hungry.

Amidst all the pageantry I was able to see my boys grow. Aiden expressed an interest in fly fishing. Being among the more technically demanding of outdoor pursuits, I was hesitant to foster his interest within the confines of a vacation. However, his persistence won out.

Having never fly fished before, we has able to land four trout in just a few outings during our stay. This is a MAJOR accomplishment for any fisherman, much less at eleven years old.

Evan can be seen in the following photos carrying an overnight pack equal to his own body weight. At 8 years old, he can now lay claim to two overnight treks into the back country with full packs.


Our additional explorations included the Badlands, Devils Tower, and Custer National Cemetery at the Battle Of The Little Big Horn.

This trip was the experience of ten lifetimes for my family.
We have a saying in our home..."Learn to be comfortable while being uncomfortable"
This trip taught us there are great rewards to be had if we can live this when it counts the most.

Haunted Hunting

Yesterday, Aiden and I participated in Pennsylvania's youth spring turkey hunt. Being beginners in any hunting venture, we were guided by a friend with a vast experience hunting the land we were bound for. It is with profoundly mixed and confused feelings that I tell you our trip did not end with the prototypical grip n' grin that now litters the social media of successful hunters.

I can say with confidence, this shared experience has brought Aiden and I closer together.

I took great delight in seeing his face LIGHT UP at the cacophony of  music the forest provides in the moments just before and during sunrise. The thunderous gobbles that grew louder with each role call of approaching birds served to create a welcomed and amazing tension in the tight quarters of our hiding spot.

I'll never forget his display of maturity and discipline as the days events played out. From his handling of a weapon properly in a remote area, to making critical decisions in a highly stressed moment. Even in the end when it became clear our goal would be unmet, he proceeded with grace and reflected on the amazing experience that he now owns forever. 

Neither Arden or I have been able to shake the sounds of incoming Toms since yesterday. Their collective songs will surely haunt us until further notice.

Not 'Fer Nuttin'

I’ve been searching for an ideal way to express myself on the topic that will follow.

Expressing one’s self on a sensitive issue is not an easy thing to do these days. Odd as it may be, communication is easier than ever before in the history of mankind, but I’m not sure we do it well.

A person I admire told me long ago that this blog will serve as a record of how I feel on any given topic. This person mentioned such a thing will be priceless one day for my kids to reference. So in the internet latent regime of memes, Instagram posts, and Facebook rants, here is my contribution on a matter of current events.

Recently there was another mass killing event at a public school. Too many people simply going about their daily life were murdered for what is surely no good reason. Murder is a sad reality of life on this planet, and has been around as long as humans have lived in community with one another. Even in the Bible, you only have to turn a few pages before you read a story of one brother killing another. My point: murder has always been here. Clearly the matter is nuanced nowadays and with good reason. Mass murder is a horrible thing for sure, and when visited upon innocent children it becomes even more egregious and evil. For better or worse, it seems that society wishes to find the solution for this problem in one of two ways:

1.       Mental health (laws, policies, etc.)

2.       Gun control     (laws, polices, etc.)

These may be the perfect ways to approach the problem, they may be the worst ways. Perhaps the solution exists in a combination of the two. I’ll be honest, I have no idea. In spending time writing this I simply wish to make the topic personal, and express my own thoughts on the matter.

Thought # 1: Creating new humans.

It is generally recognized that the modern internet came into being in 1990. The first iPhone was sold in 2007. Think of all the change that has resulted from just those two realities alone. Its reasonable to say that the proliferation of the internet and communication such as it is, has changed humans more in the past 20 years than ever before on the planet. More than the wheel. More than the automobile. More than the telephone or printing press. People are simply being re engineered (or influenced) to think and behave in new and different ways. I believe it would be foolish to consider this is not having an impact on mass killings, visa a vis those committing them.  

Thought # 2: Family structure

Families take on many new looks these days. No Mom, no dad. Step mom and or step dad. Two moms, two dads. And of course, any possible combination of all of the aforementioned. Its not for me to say where the right and wrong in these realities are, I’m simply saying such a varied approach to raising humans is a relatively new phenomenon in the spectrum of the family structure. One thing specifically I wish to point out…. Never before in American history have more families been required to send both parents into the workforce full time. With both parents working full time, at often 2-3 jobs, I have to believe this has a profound impact on the humans we are creating.

Thought # 3: Healthy minds and bodies

We are now living with the first generation of people raised almost exclusively on food grown in factory environments. Use of prescription medication of almost every kind is at levels never seen before for any age group you care to name. Cancer rates, obesity, diabetes, auto immune illnesses are all off the charts. In so much as we are quick to say anyone who shoots up a school is “sick” I believe the way we eat and medicate ourselves, is a contributing factor and will continue to be so.

Thought #4 Government intervention

Frankly, I don’t see the government as having a great track record with much of anything. From our nations budget, to homeless veterans, to wars that will never, ever…ever end, history seems to suggest that increased laws and oversight seldom leads to a beneficial outcome. Health care, prescription drug abuse, a failing education system that is increasingly unaffordable, the list goes on and on. People, in my opinion, continue to look to some form of governmental body to solve problems. I believe society almost never benefits when this happens.

Thought # 5 Nerfing the world

We don’t like hardship. We don’t like pain. We don’t want disappointment or to struggle. We want everything now, from an app on our phone, in 30 seconds or less and we want a trophy for every small accomplishment. Every generation has sought to make things better for the one that follows. Our grandparents fought wars and went through the great depression. In turn, they wanted to ensure their kids went to college and could afford their own homes. Fast forward a generation or two and every teenager needs an iphone and has to play on as many sports teams as possible 5 nights a week. I believe this is creating weak people with poor problem-solving skills. I suggest this is also a factor in the increasing amount of mass shootings.

 Thought # 6 Various headlines

1.      Gun control and/or the 2^nd amendment

I’m glad the constitution and our founding documents exist. I do recognize they were written almost 300 years ago when people wrote with feathers and wore wigs all the time. Clearly much has changed. I don’t believe our current system of government on any level is effective in today’s modern world. If I were forced to debate the 2^nd amendment specifically, I would say thematically it was written to keep government reach at bay.

         Bump stocks, large capacity magazines, and the like.

Just about any of these things can be 3D printed for almost no money by anyone with an internet connection. Therefore, outlawing this or that is pointless and simply costs you and me more tax dollars, writing laws that are not enforceable.

3       Arming teachers

Listen, my mom was a career educator.  I assure you, she should never be given any weapon under any circumstances. I’m a definite NO on mandatory arming of someone/anyone who does not wish to carry a weapon.  However, in the event that a teacher wishes to be educated properly and carry a weapon, have at it! Let’s face it, there are thousands of teachers across this country who own weapons already and are quite proficient with them. I’m OK with such people bringing their guns into the classroom.

Have you ever met a navy seal or other special forces operator? These people are critical thinkers of the highest order. They are routinely paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to teach and coach leadership principals every day. How can we attract some of them into the role of professional educators?

Maybe parents should be given a choice. Do they want their kids in a school staffed with armed teachers, or unarmed. 

Hunting rifles and handguns only

A regular theme is that guns are fine, up until a point. People often express that rifles for hunting or handguns for self defense are fine by all accords. Some only object when a weapon has a "high capacity"magazine or can fire at a rapid rate. In my opinion just about all discussion around topics like this are pointless for many reasons. What is "high capacity" is it 10 rounds, 30, rounds, 9 rounds? Is killing nine people less evil than killing 30?  How about that handgun you have no issue with for self defense? How many rounds(chances) does that gun owner deserve to protect his/her kids in a moment of extreme stress? I assure you, from experience....one or two shots is almost never, ever enough to hit a target. Many people speak on the topic of guns having vast experience(s) with them. An equal amount of people, however, have never put one in their hand or been within earshot of one being fired. Yes, everyone has and should have an opinion on the matter. Being passionate about a topic and educated on the same topic are two very different things.

Vacillating in Virginia

I've always had a need to put things on the calendar. To make the reservations asap. To pound out details far in advance of any given event or commitment. Our vacations as a family have come to follow this pattern, as well. I've gotten into the habit of booking next year's trip almost immediately upon finishing the current year's vacation. With that in mind, even the first decision about our trip to Virginia was somewhat tricky for me. Decisions would come to be a theme throughout the trip. I hope to explain a few of them here.

1. Location Location Location

It's a good bet that any get away for us is going to involve being very active. We are not the amusement park sort of family, nor does a week sitting on the beach do it for us. You'll likely find us hiking, biking, fishing, camping, etc. Somewhere scenic in the woods with a body of freshwater nearby is our idea of relaxation.

I was looking at a place in Virginia that met our needs in every way. There was, however, two things it did not have: Internet and cellular service. In hindsight, I'm embarrassed to admit the absence of these things was giving me a moment of pause before committing to spend a week disconnected. Even if purely from the tourist perspective, we would not be able to Google our way into town or check the menu at the nearest restaurants, as it turns out, there were none anyway! I can tell you now, a unique peace finds you while in the company of Creation and good people, knowing you cannot be interrupted by a ding, email, or other such invasion. On one occasion, being a few days into our trip, we set out on an afternoon walk in the woods. I kept my phone with me purely for the camera, as hiking with a proper digital camera would have been too cumbersome. At one point we had apparently reached significant elevation and the wind was blowing just enough to cause my cell phone to chirp with a text alert. In the midst of all the sounds that only exist in a forest, my phone instantly sounded alien. I actually said out loud, not realizing for a moment what the noise was..."that sound doesn't belong here" 

Correct, I had no internet or phone. I did have my family, access to pristine fishing and countless sunrises and sunsets. I was not the least bit disconnected. 

On more than one day, we spent the ENTIRE day fishing.

2. Creating a memorable moment. 

Last year's trip, in true Smith family style, was planned and orchestrated down to the hour. It paid great dividends for us and I would not change a thing. This time, we were going the other direction and making almost no plans at all. The one exception was to be an overnight hike into the woods for the four of us. This was to bring with it a series of decisions I truly had not counted on. The first decision was where to hike. We were staying on 800 private acres adjoining a national forest, so our options were endless. After much research I chose Ramsey's Draft Wilderness.

I had come to learn that only 765 pieces of land in the country meet the criteria sufficient to be called wilderness. Furthermore, almost any google or image search of this area will return stories and images of rattlesnakes and bears. Sign us up!

3. Timing is everything.

With some rain in the forecast, and our overnight destination requiring 19 water crossings, choosing the correct window in the weather, was essential. Yes, I wanted to challenge myself and our family, but I also felt the need to weigh safety into every decision. 

4. Overnight packs.

I've done more than my fair share of day hiking. Never before into wilderness like this, and never while carrying overnight packs. Even Aiden, at age nine, would have to carry his fair share of gear. Something that could not possibly be altered once we were in the thick of it. How much food? How much shelter? Items for starting fire and getting water all had to be scrutinized in terms of our ability to move quickly and safely for 36 hours in complete isolation. This particular decision(s) was made in my living room about a week before we hit the road. 

Take any task you care to name and try to do it while carrying weight on your back for almost 15 miles at elevation. 

5. The moment of truth.

The time had come. We had checked our gear, and marked the maps. We had left our hiking plan with a 3rd party and were loading up. I recall very distinctly a moment of incredible doubt. 

Was I doing the right thing? How much danger was too much? Had I forgotten anything? Was the risk worth the reward for us? I even was envisioning the headline.... "New Yorker's go missing after attempting dangerous hike".  It was Kris who assured me we would live to tell the tale and that our kids would indeed benefit from calling this experience theirs. In particular, the very real possibility of venomous snakebite for my kids while 10+ miles in was causing me to second guess. 

We pressed on.

6. On the trail.

Many decisions need to be made in wilderness. Trails are seldom marked and often non existent to begin with. Any wrong turn can result in danger, especially when trekking with children. Creation did not disappoint. Nature is very reasonable and to a large degree, predictable. If you think clearly and proceed with respect, the woods will be rewarding and take care of you. (Not likely the same can be said of your job or most of your relationships.)

7. Managing expectations.

Kris and I were clear with one another from the beginning:

Our goal was to hike as long as we could, set up camp, and hike out. At one point we did have to stop and discuss things while a very large and pissed off bear added his/her expectations to the mix. You find out real quick what your family is made of at a moment like this!

What Kris and I needed and/or wanted from this experience, and what our kids needed and/or wanted. We also needed to be sure Evan and Aiden were physically and emotionally capable of functioning properly at any given point.

Evan at camp that night. He's clearly ready for anything in his pajamas, with his shovel, headlamp and line for hanging the bear bag.

That section of wilderness is part of us now. Nothing can ever change that. I can say for sure not all of us enjoyed every moment of it. It was a lot of hard work, a very sleepless night, and a few scary moments along the way. What we hope is that in the years to come as the boys reach for goals they set for themselves, they will remember how they were tested in Virginia. I hope they become masters at being comfortable in the uncomfortable. I am confident Kris and I made the correct decisions for this year's trip. 

  

19 water crossings makes for wet shoes!

Aiden, the ever vigilant, not caring for the photo-op

Evan, on the other hand, is never concerned about anything.

Maine'd And Confused

In eighteen years of marriage and eight years of parenthood, our family had never taken a legit vacation. This year we remedied that. Our destination, Maine! Our plans included all manner of outdoor activities. Hiking, kayaking, fishing, wildlife watching and the like. Being the planners that we are, most of these activities were arranged for more then a year before we would ever put the car in drive and head north.

In hindsight now, the trip was a huge blessing and a smashing success. All of our activities paid significant dividends into our family collectively, and into our souls individually. To try to explain all of it here seems impossible, but I'm going to share a few moments (in no given order) that I hope will never leave my memory.

Evan, king of Cadillac mountain.

Our first outdoor adventure turned out to be reaching the summit of Cadillac mountain. For all our exhaustive planning, we found ourselves hiking this mountain trail completely by accident. In truth, had we known what waited for us, we might not have undertaken the journey. You see, for Kris, Aiden and myself, this hike was engaging but far from the most difficult hiking experience Maine has to offer. But, for Evan, this would surely be pushing the limits of his five year old legs. Kris and I simply agreed at the onset: Nobody would carry him, or his pack. We were going to share this experience as a family, or not at all. Well, I've heard of people "bounding" as a means to describe how they walk/run. There is truly no more appropriate word to use in telling of how Evan traveled up this mountain. It was an awesome and inspiring thing to witness. I hope he holds onto that experience, and references it often to gain strength and confidence in whatever life has in store for him.

Evan Owned that mountain

Aiden's Cove (Raccoon cove)

Our home for the week sat on a tidal cove. As the week progressed we gained an understanding of the tide schedule and when best to venture out in the canoe. By the week's end Aiden was ready to venture out into more open waters on his own. He had no fear, he was filled only with the excitement of being on his own experiencing creation. I handed him a paddle, sat down on the shore and watched him go. I felt no trepidation. I was supremely comfortable in Aiden's ability to think critically and respond in a calculated manner to any challenges that arise.

Aiden heading out under the shadow of Cadillac Mountain. The same Mountain he summited with his brother a few days earlier.

Two AM wake-up call

Who goes on vacation and wakes up at 2am? People who want to see moose, of course!
One day in particular, we awoke at what most regarded as an ungodly hour to head wayyyyy north to Kokadjo where the moose population is more than the people population. As if this was not crazy enough for those in my company, we arrived to our guide saying..."Ok, everyone in the van, we've got about another hour drive to go. Several unmapped logging roads and about one hour later we arrived at a place with literally no name. Truly wild and unblemished. Our reward was 30 minutes in the company of a mother and her four week old calf.

Perhaps I am just a city boy on holiday, but sharing space with truly wild animals is a holy experience.

Maine, 2106 debrief

Returning to a normal routine after vacation was difficult. I've been told by others who take many trips this is quite a normal phenomena. Some call it post vacation blues. Some call it depression. Whatever it is, it motivated me to immediately book next year's trip. Virginia, here we come! I am also struggling to look beneath the symptoms of "post vacation blues" and understand why I was so sad to go back to work and daily life.
Vacation for me was about immersing myself into the community of family. The return on investment of that time was huge. Where else on the planet is this so evident or important? You can be the most exemplary employee and find yourself out of a job in an instant. Your most secure investments can evaporate overnight. Living a life in pursuit of being "normal" or "secure" is a pure waste of time and produces no return on investment.

Here's what I'm confused about:
Why is the "normal" way of life one that separates families on a regular basis? Most of our time in this "normal" way of life is spent at work or sleeping. Time in community with our family is a distant third at best. I have a good job. I am treated well. My bills are paid and I have been blessed with a beautiful family and home to live in. Why should I be sad at all? I believe this sadness results from our everyday routines returning little value as compared to the effort and mental energy we spend on them.

Sunset, Cadillac Mountain

An embarrassing amount of selfies, moose pictures, and landscape photos can be found here.

Lancaster to Zambia.....AND BACK

Earlier this year, I spent a few weeks in Zambia.  I was traveling with CURE, and working in one of their hospitals. Upon returning home, to say the least, I felt my time there was pointless, had not met my expectations, and was largely a failure. In the back of my mind I had always known I had a set of personal reasons for taking this trip. Perhaps I set out with selfish intentions, and that was the reason for the let down? I'm still unclear on that.
I do know that I wanted to put my skills to a truly good use.  Was it wise for me to think that way? I'm still unclear on that as well.
I do know I witnessed some extraordinary needs while in Zambia. I got to know a few people who wade through waist deep emotional turmoil on a daily basis trying to meet every need possible.
One night in-particular, I carried a very sick young boy off of an ambulance in the middle of the night. The look of being utterly lost and confused in his eyes is something I will never forget.
I also remember thinking, all I can do is carry him into the ward and hope for the best.
Not a very good feeling.

Fast forward a few months to right now and we are making our usual preparations for Thanksgiving. The news and internet are peppered with stories of refugees, war, death, and mongering of every possible variety. All of it got to me a bit and I decided to reach out and find a way to step into the fray in my community. As it turns out, Lancaster, PA has long had a reputation of stepping out in faith to help people newly immigrated to this country. Assuming I would be connected with families from Syria,(given the news lately) I asked my church where I might be of value. After a phone call or two, I was put in touch with some people who are just getting settled into the Lancaster area. To my surprise, they are from Zambia! I was told their eyes lit up at the prospect of meeting me, and of hearing I had some familiarity with their home country. Imagine that.....I have Zambia street cred!
Over the next two days, my family will meet and play host to almost 20 new faces and share Thanksgiving time with them.

So perhaps my time back in March was not spent in vein. Maybe it was all in place to make these folks feel comfortable sitting in my house for a few hours, in a strange new place very far from their home, If that is the case, then mission accomplished! I went halfway around the world hoping to meet some personal goals while being of service. Now it seems the real purpose may play out in homes barely 10 minutes from where I live. This is UPPER story stuff. The stuff we can't plan out or predict.
Realizing all this in the past few days reminded me of a promise I made back in March. I simply would not say "No" to any opportunity that was presented to me to be of service. 
I wish to continue to live that out, especially in my local community.

Zero To 40 In 21,038,400 Minutes

Up until a short time ago I had no idea turning forty years old was some sort of benchmark or rite of passage event. I just figured it was another year passing by. Fifty, in my mind, was the bigger age, the more significant event. One by one, different conversations have revealed to me that many people view forty years of age as equally significant. I'm not sure I agree. I am pretty sure, however, that it doesn't  matter either way. If nothing else, its given me reason to consider where I am now, where I have been thus far, and where I would like to go. In no specific order, I'm going to list some of the significant moments/items in my life that have shaped me to this point.

*Faith.
As far back as I can remember I was taught to have faith in things unseen. At times this has been a bizarre way to live life. However, to this day, no single factor guides my every thought and decision.
It hasn't been until recently that I realized just how ordered life has actually been when taken through the lens of my faith. Without that, its just been a big mess with lots of coincidences that really make no sense and hurt more often than help.

*City mouse
Growing up in one of the largest cities on the planet provides you with a unique skill set. Of the New Yorker, this is ingrained on almost a cellular lever. It doesn't make you better, smarter, or stronger then someone from a small town, just different.

*Country mouse
Our move to Lancaster, PA has been a HUGE change for us. All for the better. This is the right place for us, we moved at the right time, and have been greatly blessed in so doing. For all the greatness NYC offered us, we have met some of the most amazing people who have enriched our lives greatly here.

*Not having kids
Our(surgical) decision just before we were married to not have children was the correct decision. In looking back over our relationship, we were not equipped to be parents  seventeen years ago. Our decision making and behavior at the time is/was proof.

*Having kids
Our(reverse surgical) decision to take a crack at parenting has been rewarded. I'm not sure fatherhood agrees with me, but I do immensely enjoy the company of Aiden and Evan.

*Friendship
I have a few relationships that I value above all else. You know who you are.
I continue to maintain a quality over quantity approach. It has paid dividends thus far and I see no reason to change it.

There it is. A brief list of the past forty years. I have left out many great scenes and great people.
Stories that take place from the capitol of the world, to a small place called Willow Street, PA fill in all the blanks. Do I have life figured out? Not even close. I do know I am anxious to see what the next forty years have in store for us. I have taken care to surround myself with great people and I look forward to experiencing it with them.

Me, Jack Nicholson, and Zambia

             

  My time with CURE in Zambia has come and gone. Trying to understand what I experienced there has been a frustrating process for me. I am glad I went and if I was given the opportunity to have similar experiences again, I would do so. But the questions have been coming from others and from myself.

What did you see? How do you feel? What did you learn? What did you do?

They seem simple enough questions, yet I can't seem to answer them with any ease. Nevertheless, I feel some obligation to tell the story as best I can. 

One morning, I spent time seeing patients in clinic. This is where new patients are seen, and patients who have already received treatment come for follow-up visits. Families bring their kids here from great distances, at great risk and expense. In many ways, it's a parade of equal parts hope and sadness.  One mom in particular needed to commit to several weeks in the hospital...right on the spot....in order to be available for the multiple procedures her son needed.

All I saw were problems. Her child needed several surgeries. She was far from home. She was alone. She likely had little to her name besides what I could see with her in that office. 

She nodded and affirmed that she was prepared for the commitment, and would drastically alter her life starting right now for the foreseeable future. 

I get paid to be in hospitals, and I run home at the end of the day. She was deciding to LIVE in one until further notice. I was stunned at her resolve. I was humiliated by her confidence. I asked her..."Are you happy?" She smiled and said yes, and I took this photo.
                                                                       

 When she left the office the doc saw I was having a hard time maintaining my composure. He put the next patient on hold and closed the door to talk with me. He asked me how I felt and why I was moved by this seemingly ordinary (at least in this environment) patient. I'm not sure how it came to be that he told me the story I am about to tell you. Perhaps it was to give me added perspective on the lives of his patients. 

On a previous occasion, another mom came to see him. Her child also needed care that would take place at the hospital over the course of many weeks. That mom also agreed to drastically alter her life at a moment's notice for the good of her child. Sometime during her stay at the hospital she took a trip back home to check on the well being of her other five young children. When she arrived back at the village, her children were gone. Gone. No explanation.  No chance of locating them. No way to tell when, why, or how they had disappeared. 

The doctor barely got through the story without crying himself. In some twisted way, I found relief in seeing him struggle. 

Something simple and stark occurred to me right then and there. These docs and staff members have either the best job in the world, or the worst. They are able to bring hope to people who would not otherwise have it. They do so with no strings attached. They do so with no ulterior motives. However, they do so while living through stories where children go missing in the process. A reality, I was told, that is far from uncommon.

I thought I would find a new way of living in Zambia. A new paradigm and understanding for life that my family could live by. All I found were more questions. More questions than answers. A reality...a truth...I'm having a hard time handling.

One thing is certain. The answers won't be found in any surgery, or any prescription pad.

                                                                                                                           

The Missionary Position

Shamus....."I'm going to Zambia"

Person......."That's great!"

Person......"Wait. Where is Zambia and why are you going there"

Shamus......"I'm traveling with an organization that does charitable orthopedic surgery"

Person......." O, you mean a missions trip"

Shamus......."I guess?"

One way or another, almost every conversation I've had lately, ends up repeating this pattern. Allow me to be clear: I ain't no missionary.

I have found it amusing how people have instinctively classified my trip as a missions trip. Honestly, that phrase or thought never entered my mind when I committed to this trip.

                                                                   

                                           

                                                       Does that sound like me?

I don't believe God needs me to go to Zambia. I don't even think CURE needs me in Zambia.

They are both there already, have been for some time, and are doing a bang up job without me.

So then the question must be, why go? The answer for me, is painfully simple to the point of not making any sense.

The Answer: I am supposed to go. 

I have only experienced certainty like this one other time in my life. When we made our move from NYC to Lancaster, we were guided by things that are not of this world. Timing fell into place, jobs were made available, houses were bought and sold in perfect rhythm. To look back on that moment, had that specific job not been there for me, giving me this set of skills, there would be no Zambia trip to write about. When you experience things like this in life you don't ask questions. You just go. You do as you know you are meant to do. Some may call it fate. Some call it karma or good luck. Personally, all of those things are way too vague and leave far too much for me to mess up. I call it faith. Faith that my Creator has plans that should be carried out. Faith that my Creator is intentional. Faith that knows sometimes the smallest decisions matter most.

About two weeks ago I watched this eagle lay an egg via a live feed on the internet.

(not far from my house!)

This was a real time example of how purposeful life is.

Three years ago my dad brought this fish into the boat and I was privileged to hold it for a few seconds. You learn to appreciate the might of creation very quickly while holding something as magnificent as this.   

I believe these lives are created purposefully. They should be cared for and respected.

Doesn't the same hold true for the lives in this video?

-

     from CURE Video on Vimeo.

It just so happens I know enough to participate in the procedure shown in this video. 

This does not make me better then you or smarter then you. It definitely does not make me a missionary.

Next time you see someone in need and your abilities can impact their life for the better, jump in.

Let's all not be missionaries together.

Being A Father in 2015

Being a father has to be the most bizarre racket going. It's a role that many people have and nobody does quite the same. I suppose some do it poorly and others very well. Being a father to girls is surely different than being a father to boys. Being a father to one child is not likely the same as having four kids. No matter the approach, one truth cannot be avoided: The decisions I make for myself, as a person, directly impact the well being of my two sons.                                                                  

(Photo Cred)

So what's a dad to do? Every choice I make has potential upside and downside for these two. Not just in real time, but lasting consequences for better or worse could follow them for years. My health. My profession, My finances. My faith. My friendships. Each one of these areas requires decisions on a daily basis that influence how Aiden and Evan live and who they become. 

Complicating all of this is how little control over life's events I really have. I could lose my job tomorrow. So could you. I could be abandoned by my friends tomorrow. So could you. I could get life changing news from a doctor tomorrow. So could you. My house could be burned to the ground tomorrow. So could yours. Any one of these things would be a monkey wrench in the best laid plans or the most padded bank account. 

Rather than approach the new year as more of the same, I wish to run full speed into change this year for the betterment of my family. I wish to seek out opportunities that will allow us to give more than ever before. In so doing I am hopeful my boys see, and seek for themselves, a sustainable way of life as they continue to grow. I don't know precisely how it will happen just yet. It might come out of professional/economic changes. It might come from a small community almost eight thousand miles away.  No matter the avenue it takes, I have confidence that if I pursue life as it was meant to be lived, wisdom and greatness will find me along the way.
If I give my kids the example of a life lived as it was intended to be, I hand them the tools to a sustainable life of peace.
I can't think of any dollar amount that can purchase peace. I know of no schools that confer a degree in peace or peace related studies. These are the interests and pursuits of man, Peace cannot be had in such things.

Thanksgiving Takeaways

Like a flash, Thanksgiving comes and goes. Even in our own home the tree went up the day after Thanksgiving and the lights outside the house will quickly follow. Before the feasting was done, however, I had a few good stories under my belt to keep the few added pounds company.

Early morning on Thanksgiving, Aiden and I set out as part of a volunteer effort with our church. We were part of a team that was bringing food from a local restaurant to people in our community who had need of it. I was very proud of my son as he took part alongside me. Once we had loaded our car we drove to the predetermined pick up/drop off location. As soon as we rounded the last turn, it became obvious we were at the correct location. Lined up for hours in the cold weather were representatives of about 500 families who were counting on us being there. I'm not sure what emotion took over me next, but I was not able to look these people in the eye. Call it shame. Shame that I drove up in my shiny new car. Call it shame that I was wearing warmer clothes then they were and shoes that probably cost more than some of them earned in a paycheck. Call it pity. Pity that they needed me to hand them a a meal for their entire family in 2 plastic bags. Pity that I had no idea where their meal would come from tomorrow. I took a moment to explain to Aiden that he was helping other people. I told him he should always effort to do so no matter what that may mean for him. I can only hope he remembers some of these scenes later on in life. Some of my earliest memories of my dad were the way he approached the homeless on the streets of NYC. Never a harsh word. Never holding me back away from them.  Always with a smile and either a meal or a few dollars in his outstretched hand.            

                                 

A short while ago I got a disturbing text message from a friend and former co-worker. Her husband had received a grim medical diagnoses. It was the sort of news nobody ever wants, but for them its timing seemed particularly cruel. Recently retired, he was about to start a new chapter in his life with much to look forward to. Their kids are at the stage of life when they really start to discover who they are. His wife, my former co-worker, was loving a new found professional role. On paper, they had it all. Now this. This could crush them, This could take life away. This would ruin Thanksgiving and alter all holidays that were to follow. Their family has much to be concerned about.

Now, seated at my kitchen table late on Thanksgiving, my friend fills me in on the latest in their story. There is no illness. There is no problem, There is no concern. With literally no medical explanation for this drastic change in their life, the disease that was about to destroy everything has absolutely vanished. How is this possible? Surely, there must be some reason! In the absence of science and medicine, it seems only the spiritual remains. So, as long as the doctors, lab tests and scientists can't provide an explanation...I'm content to take my friend's. In this trying time, a time where reflex may have told them to live life to the fullest, or batten down the hatches....they chose to give. They chose to give like they have never done so before. It is my friends opinion that this gesture of faith was rewarded and returned to them in the form of life. Literally. 

What bad news are you dealing with? What challenges are facing you at home or in the workplace?

What if the solution to some of your problems was not to get more? What if hitting that savings goal won't help you sleep at night? Is it possible the act of giving is central to life? What if we, as humans, are simply built to give and doing so is literally part of our DNA.

Sooner or later death finds everyone, Life, however, only finds us when we live it correctly.

Two Sides To Every Story

About three years ago an odd collection of events took place and is now coming full circle. During a short amount of time in the early fall months of 2011, we seemed to be in the midst of an odd crime wave. Willow Street, PA is most notable for being home to the 2nd largest retirement community outside of sunny Florida. However, for a bizarre 2-3 week window in 2011, we met our quota of crime for the next five years.
Trying to piece it all together now is somewhat difficult but the list goes something like this:
1. My car was broken into overnight in our driveway.
2. The neighborhood bank was robbed.
3. A 67 year old woman was arrested for running a weapons sales ring out of her home.
4. Kris chased someone off our porch during an apparent robbery attempt on our home.

In order to bring this story full circle, I will focus in on #4.
It was late morning and we were just getting home from the grocery store with the kids. As we slowed our car to turn into our driveway, we took notice of a vehicle heading toward us from the opposite direction at an unusually slow pace. It almost seemed to stop every few feet as it inched its way to our location. Taking note of this, then going about our business,we set about task of moving groceries from the car to the kitchen. I was heading back to the car for another handful of bags with Kris doing the same when all of a sudden....Kris shouts...."HEY MOTHAF*CKA!! GET BACK HERE" She drops the eggs and milk and takes off running. Jumping off our front porch is an oddly dressed figure who clearly was not counting on being spotted. After hurling several additional colorful metaphors, but before drawing her weapon, Kris realized she need not pursue this particular suspect any further.

Fast forward to November 2014.
Aiden has found himself participating in various community activities lately. Most recently has been something called "Scouting For Food" An event wherein the Cub Scouts collect food from the community and bring it to a place where it is needed by others. This is a door to door effort with the scouts in uniform, placing shopping bags on doorknobs and/or mailboxes.

I am relieved to say no homeowner produced a weapon or ran my son off their property while Aiden was attempting to feed the hungry people of our community. Kris pointed out today that no scout troop has left a food collection bag at our house since 2011. Perhaps there is a photo of our home hanging in some scout den with a red circle and slash through it. Either that, or no scout has yet done enough work to earn the profanity merit badge needed for a return visit to our address.

Norman Rockwell And The Corn Maze

Scenes of Americana often include the family vacation. Quality time where everyone gets to know each other a little better and memories are made. Road trips in the car, picnics, hot dogs and potato salad. I have memories just like this and so do you. We effort to pass these memories to the next generation.
To that end, we hit the road recently. We were given the gift of a friend's second home to use for a few days and off to the woods we went looking forward to a few new adventures.
Kris was filled with fall time excitement as is often the case for her this time of year. She anxiously awaits hay rides, pumpkin picking and many of the other customary activities associated with this part of the calendar. It was to be a weekend full of these things and we would walk away with a piece of Americana all our own.

We arrived in good time and started to plan our agenda. As things took shape, we decided on an afternoon at a local tree farm.This was to be a one stop fall fest of memories. They had it all. From hay rides to strawberry and pumpkin picking, to face painting and a large playground for the kids. Even a petting zoo. This was exactly what we had been hoping for. As luck would have it, they also had a corn maze.
A corn maze. I had never given one a second thought. Kris insisted it was a crucial ingredient for our Americana stew. Thirty dollars in admission later we had our tickets punched and we headed into the maze. To identify us as paying customers we were given wristbands. The sort you are familiar with from any number of places charging admission of some kind.

Kris must have thought there was a large underground corn maze bracelet counterfeit operation in the area because she secured this around my wrist with the strength of ten grinches..plus two!

It was just about now, with the blood flow to my hand compromised, that we became aware this was no ordinary corn maze....it was a Christian corn maze! Perfect.

As we entered the labyrinth, the sixteen year old Christian corn maze expert at the entrance informs us there are scripture verses posted throughout that will guide us to the exit. Outstanding. As I peppered those around me with my typical remarks of dislike for anything labeled as Christian, I am further informed the scripture laid out for us is taken from the book of Hebrews. That's it....time out.

So here I am minus thirty dollars about to wander around some guys farm with a hand what will surely be gangrenous when my body is found.....following instructions from Hebrews. The same group of people who couldn't find their way out of a paper bag for forty years in the bible?! Ladies and gentlemen: Norman Rockwell has left the building....er, um....maze. 

Perhaps I should have been concerned when they handed us a phone number to call if we got lost.

But that can't happen, right? You can't get lost in a corn maze...silly Hebrews. I can get from the Village to Spanish Harlem without the aid of map nor compass, surely I can walk through a maze without calling the sixteen year old maze manger to mount a search expedition for me and my family.

There exists another little piece of corn maze hilarity I learned as we wandered about...the punch card.

As you follow the clues left by God's chosen people, you come to stations where your card is punched, signifying you have reached each checkpoint along the way.

At the first such checkpoint we found I had no idea what was happening at the front of this line we were now waiting on. While my hand turned as many colors as the fall leaves around us, I thought perhaps this was an aid station providing Gatorade and blankets to weary travelers. Once I realized the only prize awaiting me was a hole punch, I was overcome with despair.

By now Evan had passed out from some combination of boredom and exhaustion and Kris was carrying him around like a piece of cheap luggage. Aiden was looking for clues to speed our escape and telling us to find stones and tinder so he could make a signal fire to facilitate our rescue.

I had just about tied a tourniquet around my arm to cut away the lifeless limb when I spotted a member of the staff. I gave this kid a stern talking-to, twenty dollars, (bringing the cost of this experience to 50.00) and begged her to show us they way out.

It wasn't until after the fact I learned this maze was almost ten acres in total area.

The builders have been recognized nationally for the complexity of their designs on a regular basis.

We never stood a chance.

I'd like to place these masters of the maze at 135th street and see how they do working their way to the Ferry. I bet they lose more than fifty dollars and an arm!

I didn't take any photos while in the maze. Mostly because we all resembled hostages of some kind and I didn't have the use of one hand to hold the camera. The balance of our weekend was grand!

Here are a few scenes from better times.

As is the case with those who have been through a traumatic event, Aiden seems to have blocked the events of the maze from his memory. Here is his take on the weekend's events. Seems we found Americana after all. (Although not at the end of the maze)

Time With Aiden

Scenes from Aiden's first weekend experience with the Scouts.

 Aiden is quite adept setting up camp. Once he got the tent in place, he set about gathering firewood .

Activities included: Archery, rifle range, geology, map and compass reading

                                       

We prepared for this weekend in advance. We purchased new hiking shoes, new camping gear, and other outdoor items. In the end, Aiden had what was needed all along. The heart and resolve to handle overnight temperatures in the low 30's. I, myself, will look into purchasing a tent space heater for the next October event.