Can a man be a better father than he is a husband? This is a question I have talked about with a few people lately. You probably already answered it for yourself in as much time as it took you to read this far. What if, for the sake of debate, you had to choose one. Where would you land?
*Some have said to me "He cheats on his wife regularly, but I know he loves his kids and he would do anything for his children."
*Others have said "Men usually enter parenthood in an effort to create in their offspring, an extension of themselves, in some part because men are inherently self centered."
*One person told me "He has many habits that make him a difficult person to deal with, I wish I could change that. Being a dad will effect the necessary changes in his way of life."
My opinion is, no, I don't believe a man can be a better father than a husband.
I would question what type of love is taught, via example, to a child when he/she watches dad leave mom for a relationship elsewhere. This strikes me as disposable or convenient love.
Is love then, the same word that dad should turn around and use to describe to his children how he feels about them? I believe that all the character traits a parent "should" want to teach his kids can be demonstrated in how that child sees his parents interact with each other.
If men are in fact having children for selfish motives, to realize an extension of their own existence, would that not doom fathers to end up teaching selfish ways right from minute one? A man should hope to see in his child, an extension of love. A furtherance of all that he has come to adore in his wife.
A read through the label, Matters Of Family, will assure you I have no desire to condemn people who have been divorced or otherwise live life in a non traditional family setting. However, a nationwide divorce rate that flirts with 60 percent on a regular basis can't be right, can it?
Something must be wrong. What are we doing wrong?
*The thoughts from these conversations, noted above, have been paraphrased here. Due only to my lack of ability to recall them verbatim.
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5 comments:
CORRECTED: "A man should hope to see in his child, an extension of love. A furtherance of all that he has come to adore in his wife." ... I completely agree with this statement. At the same time I think you have just contradicted your argument for polygamy. How can you show love and devotion to your wife, when you feel the need to share it with another? Good post.
Hey Matt,
Thanks for checkin' in, glad you liked the post.
To be clear, I have not advocated for polygamy. I simply want to enter into discussion that suggests the current state of marriage is flawed. As practiced throughout the world, there are many other approaches in place.
The only problem with marriage is everyone wants to live Hollywoods created image of love, where it's about feelings, heart fluttering moments, and this sense of bliss. When in all actuality it's a choice, it's a verb, it's action you take. If we would stop chasing the mirage of Hollywood marriage and learn to work at what we have, then monogamy is the best and most viable option.
I do not disagree with you.
I agree that a man cannot be a better father than he is a husband. I also feel that lack of moral responsibilty in marriage indicates questionable ability to lead in government.
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